Feeling the Impossible
by Kwolve
Summary: Shaw gets jealous when Root sleeps with a guy for the machine.Turns out Root hated it just as much as Shaw did..do they talkabout it?..could shaw be feeling the impossible?
1. Chapter 1 : Cocky isn't Pretty

**Feeling The Impossible**

A/N : Hey guys, i started this fanfic on wattpad but decided to make it my first fic rights of the characters belong to the creators of POI.I just like fiction and i love these characters more then i ever want love irl have y'all watched the finale?Idc what anyone says,Root has so gotta be alive..i know,i know we saw her body but im sure they can write around it and do a spinoff oh my word i want that to happen so bad..anyways,enjoy the story i hope you like it!

Chapter 1 : Cocky isn't pretty

 **Shaw's POV:**

"Ohhh..mmhm" I could hear Root moaning through my earwig.

"Ugh gross" I muttered to myself.

"Don't be jealous Shaw,I'm sure youre still her sweetie" Reese teased.

I shot him glare and turned back watching the hidden camera footage of Root and a number in the next were in hotel following up a number and Root was undercover playing the part of..well you know.

"Mm aren't the best aren't I babe" we heard the number stating cockily.

"Ugh" this time Reese joined me in disgust.

We could hear the bed creaking faster and faster as the number moaned loudly.

"See what the hell is that,why is it guys get so overly cocky and just rush in and goes rough for full speed like it's so fun"

Reese raised an eyebrow and gave me a blank look.

"Look don't get me wrong,rough is fun sure-"

"Hmph never wouldn't guessed you liked that Shaw" Reese interrupted sarcastically.

"Yeah but you gotta do it right,and have the right build up and ..never mind" I rolled my eyes.

"You're right though ,it is weird how most guys just rush and think it's so fun..gets them off but just hurts for the girls..not the good kind " He muttered thoughtfully.

And now it was my turn to give Reese a look.

He shrugged "In high school my female friends liked to complain about their boyfriends to me"

"Ahem perhaps we should focus?" We heard Finch's authoritative voice in our earwigs sounding a little embarrassed.

I opened my mouth to say something clever but before I could say anything gunshots echoed from the room next door.

Leaping to the door ,I held my handgun in position before running to kick open the next door.


	2. Chapter 2 : Just Following Orders

Chapter 2 : Just Following Orders

 **Root's POV :**

I was kinda apprehensive about this mission at first,but I would do anything She asked me to.I was deep undercover when the machine called in was now or never and it didn't hurt to have team machine i wasn't fond of the idea of sleeping with the number,i was following orders and now i know out he's the apart from being lousy in bed and rough in all the wrong ways,he had a kink for shooting his partners dead right after he..well you know.

I didn't always have a problem with sleeping with a number ,I was just following orders after knowing Sameen would be next door and listening made me nervous for some it was comforting knowing my little sociopath would be next door if I needed her.I can handle this fool don't get me wrong,but I do enjoy our little badass girls run the world routine.

Just as he pulled the gun out on me,i kneed him in the misters and flipped him around so that i could wrap his arm the wrong way round as i took his weapon from struggled for about half a minute before he pulled out a spare gun .We both fired our weapons,thankfully he was at an awkward angle and only got my however ,wasn't so lucky as the bullet hit him right between the eyes.

The next thing I know,the door was kicked in by none other than my compact fierce little sociopath who looked around murderously. Upon seeing the number on the floor,she sighed and holstered her weapon looking up at me.

"Couldn't leave me any of the fun huh" she half joked before a look of realisation dawned upon her and her eyes widened."Okay not what I meant" She tried to glare at me as I raised my eyebrow in amusement .

"Oh sweetie,it was so sweet of you to come to my aid,oh and you're right,why do guys think its fun when they get rough all wrong" I teased whimsically.

She looked at me puzzled for a moment before squinting "wait hold on,you were lis- you had your earwig in the whole time?"

She shook her head in disbelief as i nodded.

"Well, I wasnt exactly enjoying myself sweetie ,I have more fun listening to your sweet voice in whispering in my ear" I flirted as she scoffed and rolled her eyes at me. "You know sweetie,you should be careful,I was starting to think you might have been a little jealous" I said with a wink. As shaw gave me her best "I'm going to end you" glare and opened her mouth in retort,I took a step forward before wincing.

It was a slight movement but Shaw eyes immediately darted to my arm as she rushed towards me and removed my jacket.

"You got shot?!" Her voice louder than it was a minute ago.

"Is she alright Ms Shaw?" Harold said in our earwigs.

"How did i not see this straight away" Shaw cursed under her breath.

"Well my badass black jacket sorta hides it well,and i was facing it the other way"

"Still" she frowned inspecting the wound "I should have-"

"Isn't your fault Sameen" I whispered softly.

I felt her hand tense for a second and i held my breath expecting her to walk she looked up at me "You shouldn't have gotten shot i should have been in here and killed the son of a -"

"Sameen,as much as I love the idea of a 3 way with you" I teased watching the corner of her mouth turn a little as she tried to hide it."Im alright, for having my back" I continued the last part quietly looking away,partly afraid I had gone too far.

"Always Root" a whisper so quiet I wasn't sure if I had imagined it. I looked at surprise Shaw in surprise and she looked thoughtfully back at me.

Clearing his throat from the corner ,Reese stepped forward. "We should get back to the subway where Shaw can get a better look at that" he said gruffly gesturing to my arm.

"Im alright guys" I took another step and grabbed my ribs with my good arm."Okay that may be bruised but I'm okay"

"Oh come on" Shaw said putting her arm on my waist so that I could lean on her.

It was a simple gesture,but it made my heart do a lunge in my chest.


	3. Chapter 3 : Pursed and Pretty Sweetie

Chapter 3 : Pursed and pretty sweetie

 **Shaw's POV**

We had just arrived back at the subway,Root had been smiling half heartedly whenever i checked on her but i knew she knew that she wasn't fooling was in pain,that bastard prob fractured her rib not to mention,shot her.I kinda felt angry that i hadn't been there to stop have been me not had gotten hurt in our last mission and she had just begun to recover when she flung herself straight into this one.

Sitting Root down on the cot,I quickly grabbed a couple of medical supplies as Reese debriefed Finch.

"Miss grove,get some rest,we'll let Shaw patch you up in glad to see you in one piece..mostly" Harold said before walking out with Reese.

As soon as they left I turned my attention back to Root."Okay,off" I said tugging at her shirt.

"Straight to dessert Sameen? Even the number bought me dinner first before he got me undressed" Root teased,a little hesitant and almost a hint of forlornness in her latter statement.

I rolled my eyes ,slightly annoyed at the reminder of the number laying his hands on Root.I helped her out of her shirt and begin inspecting her injuries as well as cleaning the wound.

"Shut up" i muttered under my breath.

"Never said i had a problem with it " Root winked recovering from the prior hint of leaned towards me teasingly before wincing.

She looked away and played it off but I definitely noticed."Does it hurt here?" I asked,pressing at her rib to inspect it.

"Its not that bad"

"Okay now's not the time to be a toughie Root" i said scolding her half heartedly.

"You're cute when you purse your lips like that,pursed and pretty sweetie" she persisted.

"Seriously Root" I said exasperated.

"Sorry sweetie,you know I love it when you play doctor" she smiled genuinely at me.

And at that,I couldn't help but feel the corner of my lips twitch upwards,though I tried my best not to let it show,I knew she saw it too.

"So um,wasn't that..didn't you" I sighed annoyed at myself "did you feel weird about that at all,the mission? " I rushed the words out,a little bluntly.

I looked up from the bandages for second and saw Root's face fall before turning to a blank expression. I could have sworn I saw a little bit of sadness,a little regret and most of all vulnerability and uncertainty in that brief second.

"Just following orders" She shrugged looking forward and avoiding eye contact.

"Root.." I began rather unsure of what to say next.

"Im fine sweetie,its sweet of you to be concerned tho" she said smiling ahead ,turning away further .

"So why cant you look at me when you say that" i challenged ,pressing gently not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

"Why i always love looking at you sweetie" she as i caught her eye,her smile disappeared and her eyes began to well up with tears.

Hey eyes shining, Root's breath hitched for a second and she looked alarmed.

Jumping up,she winced as she tried to hurry to the bathroom but collapsed on the floor halfway.

"Root! What are yo-" I stopped realising she was about to cry and that she hadn't wanted me to witness it .

I sighed and helped her back to the turned away from me and began to sob uncontrollably.

"G-go" She choked out.

"Never thought you'll send me away" I half joked,unsure of what to do."Root stop" i tried commanding.

That only made her hide her face in her hands.

Sighly,i said gently "Or dont stop,i just..I dont know..Root i dont know what to do"

"J-just ggo.." She ordered,her tone rather angry.

I looked at the weeping beauty in front of me and walked to get some kleenex from the cupboard.

Root must have thought i walked away to leave because she slapped herself and scolded herself out loud "Stupid useless creature,you just showed her youre weak..she hates weakness"

The sad bitterness in her last sentence pulled at my heart im a sociopath i dont feel the same way others do,but with Root,occasionally,i get as close as i can to what emotions would be for me.

I walked over quietly."Stop it Root" I scolded harshly,sounding like myself.

She tensed up as she heard my voice before sniffling "Im sorry im tr-trying" as the next round of tears came over her and she began sobbing hard and uncontrollably. I sat next to her and took a deep breath,placing my hand on her lap,i reached for her hand and held it.

I immediately noted the way her breathing stabilised as she began to calm a few minutes,Root regain her composure. Still not looking at me,she let go of my hand "thanks" she said sheepishly " sorry,you didnt have to"

Looking at the tear stained beauty in front of me,i picked her hand back up. "Wanted to" i muttered gruffly so she wouldnt feel like she had to let go of my hand.

She looked surprised but still avoided looking at me.

"I dont know why..im sorry sameen i know you hate that stuff" She continued.

"Root?" I asked ,more tender than i even knew i was capable of. "Root look at me" i commanded a little more stern but still gently.

The brunette turned to look at me,ashamed and embarrassed.

"When i said stop..i wasnt talking about the crying..im not a fan of it but if you needed to ,thats okay get it out if it helps,i wont leave if u need me.i said stop because..look Root youre one of the most badass people i know..and crying ?we all need to deal with things, some how ,eventually ..bottom line is..Im not gonna think of you as ."

I looked straight at Root,squeezing her of us barely we were both surprised that i actually meant every single never had this side to me before..but i genuinely meant word of it.


	4. Chapter 4 : Tongues and torture

Chapter 4 : Tongues and Torture

A/N: Can anyone tell that i had a really frustrating date where this guy just..oh idk i expressed it down below through the characters do let me know what you think of the fic in the reviews please!:)

Root's POV

I had not expected to hear that from Shaw and judging by the look on her face ,i dont think she did either.I sniffled and used my free hand to wipe away my tears forgotting about the wound in my arm which then hurt like hell causing me to scrunch up face.

"Here" Shaw said emotionless, stretching out to do it for thumb brushed against my cheek and as our eyes met she slowed the movement of her thumb,not breaking the eye contact,her brown eyes almost seemed to be searching for what i was thinking.

"Thanks" i said quietly with half a crooked smile.

She seemed pleased with herself for having made me feel better but chose a more shaw appropriate respond and grunted ,shrugging like it was no big deal.

"And hey,let me guess he shoved his tongue in like immediately and kept going like a bullet train with no purpose?" Shaw joked bringing up the number again.

"Yeah" i chuckled "Seriously guys spoil the fun.I mean if you want it fast,do it still gotta move with the other person even if youre in charge or you wanna just be a bad speedster and care only about having fun yourself, which btw how the hell is that fun,its just poorly done sloppy work,idk go f a pillow or something"i said rolling my eyes.

Shaw laughed in amusement "Exactly it does nothing for no one,way to kill the mood huh"

"Yeah being tortured was more fun then that whole tongue fiasco" i said shaking my head.

"Tongue and torture,hmph" Shaw muttered chuckling to herself softly.

I turned to look at her,tilting my head to the was curious how she kept bringing him up.

"What?" She said sounding a bit annoyed,but then again thats just how she communicates and i love that.

"Nothing,any reason why you keep bringing him up sweetie?" I said curiously.

"Nah i just..must have sucked to have to um ..you know..just idk guess i wanna make sure you're you know cool and stuff" she muttered gruffly and rather stiffly.

Smiling sadly i replied " I will be."

Shaw looked up at me,i was about to look away but she gave me a warning look.I smiled,i didnt like feeling so vulnerable mostly because i was really afraid it might send Sameen running but,she seemed to be encouraging it..

"Theres nothing wrong with it when youve got the right person Root..im not going anywhere and definitely not because you open up..im here.." Shaw said softly.

"I ..huh did i say all that out loud?" I asked embarrassed.

"Mhmm,guess pain meds are kicking in"Shaw said chuckling.

"Oh" i said turning red.

"Well i've heard youve got a good doc so no need to worry"She joked.

"The best" i said smiling fondly at her.

She rolled her eyes at me but her lips curled into a smile.  
"And thanks Shaw for not just...you know i um," i tried thinking of the right words of thanking her for just being here,what she said and that i would do the same for her.

"I know Root,i know"


	5. Chapter 5 : Nightmares

Chapter 5 : Nightmares

Shaw's POV

I didn't want to push too hard but i knew it would be good to talk about it or whatever.

"Hey Root,uhh how far exactly did it um you know,how far did it go?" I said glancing at her sideways.

Her face fell looking rather defensive "I..I don't know sweetie ,I don't really wanna think about it anymore."

"You've got to process it at some point Root" I said softly,partly worried for the slightly out of character hacker in front of me.

"Mm.."Root sighed loudly looking at me sadly.

"Tell ya what,let's just get some rest now alright?"I said suddenly noticing just how tired Root looked.

"Okay"Root mumbled shuffling to lie down.I guided her down trying not to move her injured side too much.

"um."Root started to say something before clamming up.

"Root"I said warningly,she glanced up at me and i shot her a look "You were saying ?" I questioned.

"Noth-"

"ROOT"I scolded sounding more annoyed than i was but hey it gets results.

"Just um,you're gonna.."She gestured to the cot."You'll um ..right?" She muttered lacking the usual gusto of flirty confidence.

I bit my lip stopping a smile from showing too much as i realised what she was trying to ask.

I slipped under the covers and scooted towards her,apprehensively putting my arm around the injured woman.I looked at her and said with absolute certainty "I'll be right here Root"

Though i kept a straight face, my eyes locked in the promise i had brown eyes seemed to present itself calmer upon hearing I tried to fall asleep, I felt Root take a deep breath.I turned over to see her eye lids closing,looking peaceful and content for the first time today.

Later that night however,I was rudely awaken by shrieks and a distressed Root tossing in her with sweat the taller beauty cried out sounding truly afraid despite her state of slumber.

"Root?"I shook the hacker i so fondly cared for.I care for her more than i have even accepted and admitted to myself at this as of right now,I was concerned seeing her look so disturbed and terrified,it truly tugged at me.

"Root wake up,you're okay " I reassured her gently ,pressing small kisses to her temple,trying to calm her and wake her at the same time.


	6. Chapter 6 :Sweating on my Tummy

Shaw's POV:

"Root ,Root sweetie wake up" i murmured into her ear,her fond nickname for me slipping out unintentionally.

I sat up and shifted her body so that her head was on my lap.I used one hand to wipe her sweaty forehead and i kept the other slightly southwest on her shoulder,tapping her in hopes that she would wake up from her worked,Root shifted ,her eyes fluttering open quickly as she shuddered and looked around in looked up at me and sighed ,panting as she tried to control her breathing.

I reached down and held her hand as i continued to pat her with the other in attempt to soothe her.

"You're okay Root" i said as gently as i could manage,trying to reassure her.

Root shut her eyes and winced.

I waited a while till she seemed to have caught her breath before asking " What was the nightmare about?"

I felt her tense up and hesitate before answering "Nah its n-nothing."

"Yeah that's why you're sweating on my tummy." I joked lightly trying to make her smile.

"Sorry" she said with a small smile before attempting to roll off of me.

Placing my hand on her arm to stop her,I said " It was a joke Root,don't worry about it"

I looked at her and she looked back up sadly at me.

I brushed my thumb up and down against her arm . Leaning down i placed a kiss on her forehead,lingering a little before I sat back up.

"I don't mean to keep appearing weak and being all that annoying emotional crap Shaw"Root mumbled looking forlornly at me."You dont have to put up with me especially not like this" She said attempting a weak smile with tears beginning to form in her eyes.

Those words probably hurt for Root to admit but for some reason.. "Root that made my cold tin heart twist into didn't feel good for you either" I finished my thought out loud,wiping the tears that betrayed her.

"Root you're the strongest ,most badass,crazy person i know" I started,before pausing thoughtfully."You're not weak for being human you're right i dont have to,but i am i want to make sure your wounds are okay and more importantly that **you** are okay."I said emphasising on the **you**."Plus you know,having you as company isnt the worst thing in the world." I ended jokingly.

Root gave me another small sad smile.

"Wanna talk about it?"

She shifted looking uncomfortable "It was about the number..kinda" she mumbled sighing.

"Well you went to bed tired after having quite the day with him Root ,its only normal."

"Guess i should have talked about it doc knows best."She joked half-heartedly.

Chuckling,i replied saying "Well sleep was good too..if youre ready to Root,im here im not going anywhere..." I reassured rather flatly but i made sure she looked me in the eye to see that i was telling the truth."It's gonna be okay Root."I said,squeezing her hand.


	7. Chapter 7 : Thoughts out loud

Root's POV

I sat up and leaned against the wall,still trying to compose myself.

"Crap..that was..okay that was horrible,it seemed too real.I have got to get a hold of fact that Shaw woke up and had to wake me up.. " i thought to myself,sighing out loud."She's been very gracious about everything,i feel really bad honestly,here I am just being useless whe-"

"Root hun, you're doing it again" Shaw interrupted me,amusement in her voice.

"Huh?Oh God,Im voicing my thoughts without realising,gosh how damn strong are these meds shaw?"I mumbled burying my head in my hands,beginning to feel mortified with embarrassment as my face heated.

I heard Shaw chuckle before scooting closer to me and placing her hand on my arm.I brought one hand away from my face and to my lap,which is where her's shifted intertwined her fingers with mine.. I do love it when we hold hands.

"You're not useless yes,Im used to the badass confident kinda annoying there are many sides of you and I don't just stick around for the 1 version of anyone else I'll be gone sure,so hey be flattered."Shaw joked.

I smiled weakly at my lap before looking up to glance at dark brown eyes were always honest .Sure she doesn't feel the way most people do but she still cares and that's 2 things i admire about her,2 qualities that makes her more that she needs any help I mean,have you seen her?

"God Root even in your subconscious ramble you're a flirt" Shaw teased shaking her head.

"Wha-?Oh God i did it again?"I exclaimed esxasperated."Well it is true tho sweetie and only with you"I winked mocking a faint hint of my usual perky flirtiness but not very successfully.

"Nice try Root"Shaw drawled.

"I really need to stop doing that tho.."I mumbled with a small laugh.

"hmm although i do enjoy the advantage i have when you think your thoughts out loud"Shaw teased ,raising an eyebrow playfully.

"Is that so?"I responded smiling,feeling slightly has that effect on me i guess.

"Glad to hear it"Shaw said laughing.

"Oh shut up i did not just..Ugh you are enjoying this way too much Sameen"I half glared at her.

"Oh yes I am"Shaw smirked,sounding very smug.

I raised an eyebrow as if it were a silent acceptance to a challenge before smiling fondly at her. She looked at me, squeezed my hand and returned the from Shaw,seeing such sweetness meant more than it would have, should it have been anyone else in the world.


	8. Chapter 8 : Flesh

Shaw's POV

I squeezed Root's hand then gave her a blank expression ,as if there was a need to balance out the emotive behaviour. I watched her swallow nervously before asking "You uh..you really wanna hear me ramble on?"She said with attempted humour.

"Yes Root,I do..it might help?"I stated rather monotonously but i was pretty sure my eyes gave away the concern that did exist beneath the shield i had up.I looked at Root trying to read her expresion which was a mix of uncertainty ,forloness and shame.I took a deep breath and placed my hand on Root's shoulder "Look Root I meant it,I want to be here and i want to you have to say..no judgement..i mean maybe a little teasing but we both know you like that huh"I started out soft ,firm and as kindly as i could muster and ended with a little smirk.

Root giggled a little before sighing, her expression rearranging to be more guarded,an expression I knew too well myself.

I found myself reaching for her hand again,intertwining our fingers,trying to reassure looked surprised at my action but her expression softened a little so I guess it her gaze she twisted her lips mumbling "I don't really know how to start..Im not great at this if you haven't realised"

"Well im worse at it but i guess there's a first time for everything huh?"

The corner of her mouth twitched upwards at that and I felt my heart surge a tiny charge knowing i did that.

"How about we start at what the number did?"I suggested as gently as i could,trying hard not to sound too blunt.

"Umm well we did it I guess,he was kinda rough but what's new,that's no biggie"Root muttered trying to sound nonchalant."I don't know why Im like this..It's not like it's the first time..blocking it out isn't always this hard."She continued sounding bitter.

"Well maybe there's only so much you can surpress before you need to process it or you just end up know like when you keep shaking a coke can and then open it" I responded glancing over at her.

She sighed "Well its not like it meant anything,I was just following orders,I was just the flesh really..so what's new it's not like i have a history of meaningful relationships to make this seem dirty or whatever,end of the day Im just a warm body,a piece of flesh that thankfully can be replaced because let's face it ,I would trade me up if I could."She breathed out shakily , her eyes shining with anger and tears."I don't know why its all getting to me ..I know im just flesh so why can't i just switch it off so i can obey the orders why do i have to feel crappy about it" Root ranted frustratedly.

I looked over at the angry hacker and my heart ached a sucked that she was hurting and feeling this way."Root" I said sternly so that she would turn to face minute our eyes met hers welled up with tears that threatened to fall and her lip quivered."Oh Root" I mumbled fondly as I opened up my arms and reached over,frumbling a little to give her a second my arms wrapped around the warm yet shivering lanky body,I looked at her and our expressions simultaneously mirrored our surprise at how comfortable and natural it felt right.

"Root,you have every right to be have every right to be have every right to feel whatever you're feeling."

At that,Root burst into a sob and my heart felt tangled up inside."Im sorry, i dont know why..I try Shaw,i always try to turn off the feeling of disgust but.."She bit her lip almost afraid of how honest she was being.

"Honesty is good Root.."I started out "Oh and also, sweetie,you are not just a piece of flesh!"I cried out in bewilderment at her earlier statement."I never knew you felt that way Root I'm really sorry" I said with sincereity making Root sniffle yet looking touched.

"Nah i am Shaw ..Im just a piece of flesh and not a very attractive one,aint no you sweetie "She joked yet genuinely complimenting me.

"Oh Root"I sighed as i lifted one arm up to wipe away the tears that cascaded down her cheeks."Root, you're hot , even I don't deny it."I said my voice coated with sincere sarcasm.

I heard her chuckle before i caught her eye yet again and she gave me a sad smile brimming with tears.

"Shaw..Sameen i..i dont know ive never even allowed myself to go there,to think these thoughts.."

"Root..you're safe here Root i promise..I won't let anyone hurt 's done were just processing it.."I started out earnest,with a tone filled with certainity and protectiveness,"I mean look i know im not the most normal of human kind .."I started again a little more hesitant,but Root cut me off.

"Sameen,there's no one i trust more."


	9. Chapter 9 : Honesty's Scary

A/N short update! Will be back soon, my apologies for the wait, school ugh getting in the way of fanfics tsk , oh and thanks for reading loves x Do let me know what you think in the reviews pls! x

Root's POV

I bit my lip nervously upon saying that, hoping I hadn't made Sameen uncomfortable. This was not exactly a usual situtation and I was terrified to be to mention, i was terrified for multiple reasons. One, to actually allow myself to go there, to have to face up and acknowledge my thoughts and feelings. Two, that I would make Sam uncomfortable, not neccessarily by the content of our convo to come but accidentally. I usually love to tease her and know that ive gotten to her but this is different. Part of me is afraid i'll push her limit too far by accident and she'll run far away while i'll be here, a vulnerable mess because once i let myslef go there,who knows if I'll return.

"Honesty is good Root..scary but good." Shaw added in,interrupting my thoughts.

Her hug had come as a surprise to me, looked as though it had come as a surprise to her was a little gruff, more of pulling me in, very shaw, which may be what had made it that much more comforting. I wasn't really one for physical touchiness..well let's just say im picky with a few exceptions.

"Aw well aren't I a lucky VIP" Shaw teased sarcastically but kindly.

I huffed with a smile in response to that but my smile soon faded as realisation dawned upon me

"I said all that out loud" I stated exasperated.

"Sure did..I could get used to that you know" Shaw teased.

I sucked in my breath as i blushed. I got up quickly to go to the bathroom, needing to collect my thoughts and not daring to here in case they were all out things she could never know.

"Root?" Shaw questioned tentatively,her brows furrowed into slight concern.


	10. Chapter 10 : Smoking Subway

Trigger warning : slight reference to suicide and self-injury.

Shaw's POV

I decided to let that bit Root had slipped out about things i could never know go for now. Seemed like she needed to calm down and that probably would have set her off. Whatever she was afraid, the being honest,if I would freak out, it was all making her anxious on top of being unerved hacker stood facing away from me,as she tried to steady her breathing before wincing as she tried to walk over to the bathroom.

The second she winced,I was next to her, attempting to guide her back refused and so i let her lean on me as i walked her over to the remained quiet and faced away from me when we arrived so i put the cover on the toilet hoping she'll sit down before leaving to give her some i walked back over to the cot, i realised I had leapt up involuntarily,subconciously without even thinking twice.I groaned mentally at myself,afraid as well.I didn't wanna think about it,i didnt wanna think of the rules i broke the exceptions i made and wanted to make when it came to while we're being honest,i asked Root to talk about the number geniunely in all purposeness for her well being, but a part of me clenched up inside when i brought him up.A sense of protectiveness, a sense of..jeaslousness? Fuck sake, i do not want to be thinking about this right now.I look over to the open toilet door and I see Root seated on the seat, her face burried in her hands.

She was muttering something to herself and to myself, I got up and grabbed a blanket with i approached i heard the bits and pieces including " Shaw" "end up really hating me" "if she knew" "i dont even know" "fun and games" "important" "if i lost her" "disgusting" "what loser fails at taking their own life"  
At the last one i felt my heart turn cold. Wait a minute what? Did she try to kill herself and when on earth did that happen? Realising how little i knew about Root's past and how much she was hurting ,in which i somehow had put up a brave front and was pretty confident,but i guess we all have our demons.

Walking forward,i called out, announcing my presence.

"Root"

She stopped muttering upon realising i was there and with a weak voice she stammered "S-sorry"

"Stop saying sorry Root,you have nothing to apologise for." I responded as i wrapped the blanket around the shivering woman.

"Thanks" she said with a sniff.

I made a mental note to bring up the bit i had overheard about suicide another time when she was perhaps less distressed.

"Here" I helped her up "Root why don't we go back to bed first,it's only a few hours to sunrise,we can talk then?"

"Okay" a single work in a meek voice was all the response i got. I helped Root back into bed before crawling in at the other next to her,i turned my body to face her .She tilted her head in my direction but her tear stained eyes refused to meet my glance. I stretched out my hand so that it held on to her arm ,i stroked her gently and muttered "Close your eyes Root,you're safe"  
I didnt remove my hand but i soon resumed into slumber.

I woke up to check on Root about an hour later,but to my surprise when i patted the spot next to me ,it was empty. I rubbed my eyes and got up,I smelt something,a scent that wasn't usually in the out,i saw Root in the corner of the subway,holding a cigarette in her hand.

"Smoking in the subway? Didn't know you smoked Root,you know it kills right?" I called out.

Root turned looking sheepish that she had been caught. " Not if Life is already trying to kill you." She joked weakly but solemnly. "Um i dont usually anyway i was just well not feeling..and um i couldnt go out so..hey you dont have to come closer i dont wanna get smoke on you" She stated uneasy.

"It's fine Roo-" I stopped in my tracks,my eyes darting to the rolled up sleeves and her arm,freshly made red angry streaks marked across them. Her eyes followed in suit of mine and realising that i had seen them,she quickly hid her arm behind her back and looked down.

"Oh Root" I said,my heart aching as it dawned upon me.


	11. Chapter 11 : Im fine

_Rated T: Trigger warning: Mention of self injury_

Root's POV

Shaw stood agape ,staring at me.

"Oh Root"  
I looked away as i felt her gaze burning on my arm.  
I hid my arm behind my back but it was too late,she had already seen them.  
I bit my lip nervously and blink away my tears as i looked down,avoiding Shaw's eyes at all cost.

I felt her approach as i stood frozen,my breath caught in my throat.

"Root?" Shaw's voice echoed out,filled with concern,gentle and hesitant yet stoic as ever.

Shaw was now right in front of me, her warm breath cut through the cold of the subway.

I felt her hand reach out to my face as she began wiping away tears i had not noticed before.

"Come on" She muttered as she took the cigarette from my hand and flickered it down,stepping on it. She grabbed the hand which was previously holding the cigarette and intertwined our around,she led me back to to cot and sat me down before sitting next to me.

I still had my other arm hidden behind my back ,shifting it forward i quickly rolled my sleeve down,still avoiding Shaw's gaze.

I heard her sigh, "Root, Root look at me"

I shook my head as tears began to well up again.

"Alright" Shaw said,as she shifted me from the edge of the cot to the centre of the bed,leaning me up against the wall. She then straddled my legs and placed her hands on either side of my face.  
"Look at me Root"  
Her voice was gentle,patient and concerned.

I felt myself reaching out my own hand to wrap around one of hers that was still cupped my face.

I finally met her eyes,and they were warm,kind and earnest,a look that usually hid behind a shield.  
"Hey" she began softly. Her thumb moved to wipe away new tears that trickled down my cheek.

"Hey.." i replied hoarsely in a whisper.

"Why Root?"

I chewed on my lip nervously and shrugged,beginning to cry harder now.

"Root,talk to "

"I-its nothing Shaw,im fine"

"Like hell it is,Root..Root,you're hurting would you do that?Why on earth would you want to..oh Root.." Shaw paused,leaning her forehead against mine "You could have talked to me you know..i know i push you away at times but its never stopped you,you know i dont mean it im just..well you know,im me and it rubs off wrong on everyone but ..but not you.." Shaw closed her eyes and continued " You can always talk to me about anything Root"

"You being you is always enough Shaw,its the best thing in the world,i hope you'll see that one day"

Shaw opened her eyes,warm orbs meeting mine as she blinked hard. In all my fluster,i was unfiltered and honest. I usually mask honesty in flirtation or humour because i always worry but,i guess in that moment..

"Im glad you didn't,look Root you wont ever scare me away,whether you mask it in confident suave the way you do,which as you already know,i see through it.I know your heart. So it doesnt matter if its in moments like just now which..was kinda nice to be honest"

"So im just saying all my thoughts out loud now then huh"

Shaw chuckled before looking serious again "Root can i see them please..i just want to make sure they don't need medical attention"

I looked down again,ashamed "their ugly shaw"

"No their not Root,nothing about you is"

I said nothing as i looked at her unsure.  
"Trust me?"  
Her eyes implored into mine and i felt myself nodding.  
Shaw reached out rolled up my sleeve gently as i looked away. This was far more intimate than anything ive ever was a part of me that ive kept a im ashamed of yet something that ive needed . I never thought i'd let anyone see me so stripped down and emotionally raw.

"Well thank you for trusting me" Shaw whispered ,her eyes shining.


	12. Chapter 12 : From the start

Shaw's POV

I was still rather shocked. It was difficult to see Root hurting this much. Or rather that she had been hurting all this while and i had been oblivious to just how much.

"I really am..glad,that you trust me Root."

She cocked her head to the side like a muddled puppy as she does, looking hesitant.

"The uh pause was just because i wasnt sure if glad is the best word to use"

"Oh" came a single mumble.

"Root?"

"Mm?" She replied still avoiding eye contact.

I placed my hands on either side of her face again and implored her to look at she finally looked up, I was met with warm brown orbs swimming with sadness and fear.

"Oh Root" i found myself sighing and instinctively leaning forward to rest my forehead against hers. I didnt even think about it ,it had become a subconscious reaction that felt second nature to me.

"Hey" I whispered leaning back a little to look at her,my thumb wiping away tears that had to now began to cascade down her face.

"You're okay ,okay?And if you don't feel it,that's okay know i um,im not going think any different of you right?"

Root looked away as i said that..so that was what she was worried about?

"That was what had you worried?Root,you're always gonna be the one tether to this world that wont stop bugging the shit out of me"  
At that root laughed a little

"There we go " i said pleased with myself that i had succeeded in making her laugh.

"Hey Root?"

"mm" came a meek response.

"Talk to me?Why Root..and when did you even..when did this start..? "

"I don't know,its always been sorta ..i dont know.."

"How bout we take it from the start? When was the first time ..?"

She mumbled something ever so quietly .

"Didn't quite catch that Root"

Sighing, the hacker repeated herself " Since ive been in school.."

"Root.." i implored, my heart breaking a little." that's a long time to have been dealing with this"

"It wasn't always bad..i had it under control at some point..sorta i guess"

"When did you start again? "

And with that she just shook her head, and swallowed hard.

"Okay..how about this,when we first met, was this already happening?"

"Not as much .."

"How did i not notice..Root im so sorry"

"That's fine Shaw you have nothing to apologise for."

"Yes I do..look i know im not the best at showing it but.. i mean .. " Frustrated at myself for not being to sting out a sentence,i sighed before taking a deep breath " I care.." i mumbled this time.

"I know you do..Ive always known that you do care "

"About you Root..I wished i could have made things better some how"

"You did..do actually, you always do" She sniffled, smiling at me with shining eyes.


	13. Chapter 13: Are you Sure?

Root's POV I was extremely touched by Shaw's words and actions. You would think i'd be elated, I am close to tears don't get me wrong, but.. I guess im a little overwhelmed. "Hey Root? You're um doing it again" Shaw chuckled next to me. "Fuck" I mumbled to myself. Why on earth does this keep hap- I looked up mid sentence to see Shaw staring at me intently, amused. "Aaaaand I did it again" "Yeah..it's not a big deal Root, you're just tired,upset and hopping off pain meds." "Still.." I bit my lip nervously.. I couldn't help think of me spilling all my secrets ..not to mention...she saw..she.. I choked up,biting my lip and fighting back tears. "Root..oh Root.." Shaw's voice intonated with shifted again and leaned her forehead agaisnt mine. "Breathe.. slow and steady" I followed her instructiond as tears continously streamed down my face,squeezing my eyes shut i sighed. I felt Shaw's hand stroking my cheek tenderly and i opened my eyes to meet earnest bright brown ones. Shaw looked back at ,she leaned in closer. I leaned in too,meeting her lips 's lips were soft,her kiss tender, a gentle hint of sweetness making my heart pound , a feeling of sparks igniting. I leaned back for a second "Shaw..Are you sure..?" She looked at me and replied by leaning in again,in which I happily obliged. This time,when our lips met,there was more certainty, a tension , a passion and just the right amount of push. The kiss grew more heated, with us battling for the upper I knew it,Shaw and pushed me to a lying down position as she straddled on top of me,kissing me hard. 


	14. Chapter 14: Electricity

Shaw's POV:

One thing led to another, and the next thing i know, Im on top of Root, kissing her hard. I dont want to think right . Right now, i just want to keep feeling the electricity that runs on passion and suppression.

Slipping my tongue in as i tilted my head to deepen the kiss, i heard a small whimper from Root. I was pretty sure it wasnt from the pain but i paused to look at her just to be sure.

Her eyes were shut, cheeks flushed and her lips a little .

She opened her eyes and a darker shade of brown implored into my own.

Between pants i asked " Still alright?"

"Never better" She said with a sigh, sounding both shy and sly at the same time.

Her fingers began to trail up and down my arm. I smirked and she returned a signature one of her own,before i ducked back down,my lips meeting hers once more.

This time it was was soft, it was just a hint before it turned firm with a diff kind of passion.I nibbled at her bottom lip before leaning up to look at her.

After placing a gentle kiss on her neck,i sat down beside tried to gain advantage and began to initiate taking charge of the next round. I stopped her but not unkindly.

"You're still hurt Root"

"I can take it Shaw" Her smile turned smug "Besides, i have a sneaky suspicion you enjoy getting being taken charge of.." she leaned to whisper in my ear " ..but only by me aint that right sweetie"

I rolled my eyes,but the smile in them was undeniable.


	15. Chapter 15 : Electric - terrifying

A/N: Sorry it's short! x

Root's POV

Do i sound like im 13 if i say "I cant belive this is happening?" Part of me cant but thats not the part of me thinking right now. Im not sayng this out loud am I? Oh god..

oh wait no im not, because im busy kissing shaw. Omg im kissing Shaw. Jeez Im worse than a 13 year old.

"You're thinking too much" She mumbled into my lips.

"Wow.. even when i'm not thinking out loud, you know what's on my mind sweetie, talk about in sync" I whispered breathlessly agaisnt her lips.

"Mmm" She hummed in response. "You're talking too much" She paused and leaned back to smirk at me.

I smirked right back "Well maybe you should fix that"

"Saying it's my fault are we now?"

"Well, if the shoe fits sweetie"

An aggresive smile met a small growl of approval as she tackled me down on my back again, kissing me hard. No words needed to get that message across. I'll shut up..

Kissing her back, the hard nips turned gentle, still full of passion.

Yeah i'm on board forgetting to worry for now.


	16. Chapter 16: Talk? Really?

Shaw's POV

 _Kissing ..Kissing her._

That rang through my mind over and over. Yes I know I said Root was the one thinking too much and now here I was doing just that as well.

"W-wait" I stammered breathless, pushing her away firmly, breaking our kiss.

Upon seeing the flash of uncertainty in Root's eyes, I quickly clarified. "No it's nothing bad, I just-". I paused, sighing deeply. "Can't believe **I'm** the one about to say this but-" I mumble, looking away from her large brown eyes for a moment. "I think we should talk about it first you know? Just be clear. "

An expression of concern turned amused, back to confused "Like define what this is? Talk? Really? Well I never pegged you as the type." She winked, knowing it would infuriate me.

"No" I growled defensively before softening up "Just, to talk about what happened earlier. From the moment of that bastard to... " My eyes darted to her arm. She glanced down and reflexively moved her other arm over to cover it up.

My hand reached out and grabbed her to stop her.

"Root"

She refused to look at me.

"Root.. Just.. be okay and stuff. I need to know." I strung out bumpily, gradually softer.

She turned and studied me." I am Shaw, I'm not just using you to-"

"I know."

We stared at each other defensively.

Sighing I said "Look, as much as i love to act first , think later and talk never" earning a small chuckle from her "we should talk Root. Just. Okay?" I asked a little roughly. No, touchiness was never my strong suit.

I held her gaze till she sighed in defeat and nodded reluctantly.

"Okay", said she.


End file.
